Chili Cook Off...

I literally cried when I read this. It was just too good to go unnoticed. I will warn that there is some foul language... maybe a PG-13 Joke..lol but its hilarious!!!
 
If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for
you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly.
(I've read this probably 5 times and it never fails to reduce me to tears
of laughter). Hope it does the same for you!!!

If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third
judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know
how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween
comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San
Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank,
who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to
the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other
two
judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
accepted."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
 *****************************************************
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
*****************************************************

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
the look on my face.
*****************************************************
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in
the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer.
*****************************************************

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to
look
HOT. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
*****************************************************
CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can
no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her c

hahahaha wow thats awsome!

That is seriously funny stuff, Aaron!

I've read that before...it still makes me laugh pretty hard!

hahaha. I'm gonna send that one to my uncle. He makes a mean chili.

That is funny, I pictured homer simpson being judge #3 LOL!!!

That was good!!! My eyes were watering from laughing so hard.

I LOL'd for days when Judge 3 said he needed to wipe himself with a snow cone.

Yep that's a hoot. It's been floating around as an e-mail attachment for a few weeks now.