Women

So my girlfriend just went up to Fort Worth without me to hang out with all of her old drug abusing friends. She has been clean for over a year and I have over two years under my belt. I told her I didn't want her to go cause if I ever found out she was using or even used that would be the end of us. Well, she went without me and so I've packed all her **** up and put it in my front living room so she can pick it up when she comes home. I just don't think there is any chance for a relationship if there is no trust. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but, you have to have trust to have any kind of happiness in a relationship.

You do have to have trust, but you also have to give second chances once in a while.

just bc she's up there doesn't necessarily mean anything. How are you SURE that that's what she's doin up there?

should just go up your self and see whats up

going up there and being around those sorts of people may be just enough to show her that she made the right change in lifestyle? i've been entirely sober for 8 months.. and recently i went to a party... and just being around it for awhile was enough to show me EXACTLY why i stopped my bad habits... it depends how sincere she is in staying clean... i'd talk to her and look at every angle before you jump to conclusions. my 2 cents...

Your right relationships don't work without trust...

But you also can't control someone, people are free to do what they want...

I know you feel like crap becuase shes out there, and you don't know whats going on, but thats when YOU TRUST her to make the right decision!

I know how you feel, as my ex-gf did this stuff to me, but in my case she was fooling around behind my back...Not that yours is!!! She could just want to experience it one more time, a final fling!

personally i would have done the same thing, maybe she is not doing wgonge but most people who have cahanged completely like that dont want to put theirself around that kind of stuff if they are not wanting to fall back in it. i know a lot of people who have went bad like that

if someone told me what i could or couldn't do, that would make me want to do it even more. cut her some slack. spite can be a wicked thing.

Well see how she is when she gets back, if she is different in anyways she was doin a NO NO...I myself have been single since my EX B/F wanted his drugs more then me...he also took my bestfriend with...grrr its been since 95 but i still have the once bitten twice shy ..effect from it..good luck though 

quote:

ORIGINAL: N2BLAZIN

...if I ever found out she was using or even used that would be the end of us...

 
I agree, a healthy relationship should be based on trust.
So you could give her your trust and wait til she's back to make a decision or you could just decide that you have no faith or trust in her and say goodbye.
I'm just saying that you have options.
I miss my last g/f sometimes...similar circumstance, I gave her 2 chances and the third slip and I had to say goodbye.
 

You should never give second chances, if they do it once they will do it again.  Not that I know from personal experience or anything.

unpack the bags,  sit her down at dinner or something and ask her how her trip was, if she says that she was going against your word, then leave her. jumping to conclusions is never a good thing.  there have been times when i wish i didnt jump to conclusions

eh...that reminds me of my parents growing up...they used to use the "ladder" reference to trust...the lecture usually went like this.."See this bottom rung...that's where you are...you need to earn you way up the trust ladder" to which I would respond.."how in the hell am I going to earn your trust when you don't let me do anything" my dad used to count my odometer millage...other such things...I wasn't even doing things wrong..(well I was...but not that bad) besides the more they told me not to do something..the more I did it....I'm just saying...giver her the benefit of the doubt...don't set her up for failure..when you draw lines in the sand...it's a no win situation...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Burlisonm

You should never give second chances, if they do it once they will do it again.  Not that I know from personal experience or anything.

Second chances are ok to give depending on the mistake

People arent perfect...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zasder

quote:

ORIGINAL: Burlisonm

You should never give second chances, if they do it once they will do it again.  Not that I know from personal experience or anything.

Second chances are ok to give depending on the mistake

People arent perfect...

both of you make good points but i think it depends on the situation at hand. here i dont see it fit to give another chance

Kick her out!

Hahaha, look under 'Related Threads' at NEED WOMEN...

I agree with no second chances.  I have made this mistake before and it only comes back to haunt you.  If you really don't think she is worth it, then start over, there are plenty other people out there for you... But if you have even a small thought that you will miss her and want her back don't let her go, and work things out.  Either way, you need to make a decision based on facts and stick to what you decide.  Women are master manipulaters, watch out.

ya i would say dont jump to conclusions yet cuz maybe she went back to prove to those friends that shes changed. i believe in 2nd chances cuz some people can change for the right people and some cant that 2nd chance shows if they'll change. if they dont the never will for u but if they do then ur good. jumping to conclusions is always bad i've found that out the hard way a couple of times. i'm 19 and have been single my whole life i've seen my friends w/ their gfs and have problems so i would rather be single and not have those problems but i have tried and will continue to but in the past things just never seemed to work out so i'm just waiting for that right girl.

I would wait and see if she is any different when she arrives back. If she is kick her to the curb, I have had similar events happen to me many times and therefore I have my own slogan when it comes to women of which I will not post on here cause I might offend them!! So just wait and see what she does when she gets back!!!

So, I was right in the first place. She goes up there about every month or two just to hang out with her old tweakin friends and get high. It's really disappointing and aggravating that she does that and lies to me about it. Second of all that just shows me that she is a two faced hippocrit cause she always talks about how she has been clean and sober for so long when in all reallity she has been getting high this whole time. she tells me now that she didn't want it to hurt our relationship and that she would never do it around me or even in Austin. I guess once you have that drug state of mind it's really hard to get rid of it. I'm not going to have a tweaker in my life. So, my question to all who are still reading is do I give her a second chance or do I just up and leave?

yup, I would be movin on. 

not worth the trouble bro. If she wants to ruin her life let her. Dont let her mistakes drag ya down

Let her go....sometimes even if you really care about something...they need to change themselves...if they can't change themselves..then there isn't much room for the two of you...maybe it will be a wake up call to how stupid the whole getting high thing is...probably not...but ya never know..life has a way of working itself out..

Show her the DOOR!!!!!!!!!   Let it hit her in the A_ _  on the way out too... I`m sure she prob did alot more than just smoke!!!