RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!

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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 2/29/2008 12:59:45 AM    thegr81 Posts: 2621 Joined: 1/16/2007 From: PHOENIX,AZ Status: offline I can't stop laughing LOL!!! _____________________________ 2001 2wd 4.3 vortec v6 "I'm not fat, I'm a minitrucker" (in reply to EuroGoldLS) Post #: 21

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/1/2008 10:43:55 AM    Idriveachevy Posts: 908 Joined: 10/9/2007 Status: offline A man goes to the doctor and says doc, i have a problem, but you have to promise not to laugh. the doctor says to the patient, i promis i wont laugh, im a profesional. The man says okay and drops his pants and underware. The doctor sees that he has the smallest ....  he has ever seen, somewhere close to the size of a AA battery. the doctor fights to hold back his laughter but he cant, he bursts out laughing. he finally pulls himself together and says "im so sorry, that never happens, so what is the problem sir?" and the patient replies,  "its swolen" _____________________________ 1997 4door 4x4 thrush glasspack 31" bfg mud terrains 2 in. shackle lift and TB crank Soon to come - 2 inch body lift. (in reply to thegr81) Post #: 22

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/1/2008 1:03:48 PM    firemansc32 Posts: 202 Joined: 1/27/2008 Status: offline WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. Can of coffee, and A 1 lb. Package of bacon. As the woman was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.' The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, she said: 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?' The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.' < Message edited by firemansc32 -- 3/1/2008 1:10:11 PM > _____________________________ Adam- _______________________________________________ 2000 2dr. ZR2 www.freewebs.com/blazersofwisconsinarea (in reply to Idriveachevy) Post #: 23

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/1/2008 1:24:41 PM    Idriveachevy Posts: 908 Joined: 10/9/2007 Status: offline   wow, that is just great... _____________________________ 1997 4door 4x4 thrush glasspack 31" bfg mud terrains 2 in. shackle lift and TB crank Soon to come - 2 inch body lift. (in reply to firemansc32) Post #: 24

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/2/2008 12:46:28 PM    FRICKINNUTS Posts: 106 Joined: 10/2/2007 Status: offline A guy went over to his aging parents house one afternoon and found his father sitting in a rocker in the front yard with no pants on. The guy says "Dad what are you doing sitting here with no pants in front yard?" the old man said "Yesterday I was sitting here with no shirt on and and my neck got stiff, this was your mothers idea." _____________________________ 1985 S-10 Tahoe 2.8L Black on Black (in reply to Idriveachevy) Post #: 25

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/2/2008 1:20:28 PM    2002XTREME   Posts: 804 Joined: 10/7/2007 From: Long Island Status: offline why children shouldnt witness birth,,   Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack his ass again!" _____________________________ add ons: Volant cool air intake Extra set of back up lights new Ice Bear tires NHRA Race Stickers Stock BOSE radio w/cd Custom taillights Custom Frt turn signals Moon/Sun roof (in reply to FRICKINNUTS) Post #: 26

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/2/2008 1:26:53 PM    2002XTREME   Posts: 804 Joined: 10/7/2007 From: Long Island Status: offline You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this... A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned on the phone answering machine, covered their pet Parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrives and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother" A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!" The cabdriver hit a parked car... _____________________________ add ons: Volant cool air intake Extra set of back up lights new Ice Bear tires NHRA Race Stickers Stock BOSE radio w/cd Custom taillights Custom Frt turn signals Moon/Sun roof (in reply to thegr81) Post #: 27

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/2/2008 1:32:15 PM    2002XTREME   Posts: 804 Joined: 10/7/2007 From: Long Island Status: offline A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some       rectum deodorant.         The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that,   they don't  sell rectum deodorant and never have.   Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been   buying the  stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like   some more.  "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "We don't have any."  "But, I always buy it here," says the blonde.   "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.   "Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it"    She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist   who looks  at it and says to her,            "This is just a normal stick of              underarm deodorant."       annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads       out loud from  the container .. "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM. _____________________________ add ons: Volant cool air intake Extra set of back up lights new Ice Bear tires NHRA Race Stickers Stock BOSE radio w/cd Custom taillights Custom Frt turn signals Moon/Sun roof (in reply to 2002XTREME) Post #: 28

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/2/2008 1:34:37 PM    2002XTREME   Posts: 804 Joined: 10/7/2007 From: Long Island Status: offline   A female reporter, interviewing an American Indian chief, asked the significance of the varied number of feathers in Indian headdresses. "Feathers show number of sexual partners," the chief replied. Indicating a nearby young brave, he continued, "Him? One woman, one feather. Him?" pointing to a second, older man, "Three women, three feathers." The reporter looked at the Chief's headdress. "But you have so many feathers!" The Chief proudly slapped his chest. "Me Chief. Sleep with all women. Big, small, fat, tall." Horrified, the female reporter said, "You ought to be hung!" The Chief said, "Damn right. Me hung big like buffalo, long like snake." The offended reporter said, "You don't have to be hostile!" The Chief replied, "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style!" The reporter cried, "Oh, dear!" "No deer", said the Chief. "Ass too high, run too fast!" _____________________________ add ons: Volant cool air intake Extra set of back up lights new Ice Bear tires NHRA Race Stickers Stock BOSE radio w/cd Custom taillights Custom Frt turn signals Moon/Sun roof (in reply to davtak) Post #: 29

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/7/2008 5:47:39 AM    EuroGoldLS Posts: 3121 Joined: 2/9/2007 From: Princeton, NC, USA Status: offline Came across another good one: HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM 1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines. 3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside _____________________________ My theory is that every disrict in the USA tries to send their lying scumbags to either prison or Washington D.C. -rivereye (in reply to 2002XTREME) Post #: 30

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/7/2008 6:36:28 PM    thegr81 Posts: 2621 Joined: 1/16/2007 From: PHOENIX,AZ Status: offline ^^^^^^ _____________________________ 2001 2wd 4.3 vortec v6 "I'm not fat, I'm a minitrucker" (in reply to EuroGoldLS) Post #: 31

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/7/2008 7:25:01 PM    blznlowxtreme Posts: 1450 Joined: 3/20/2007 From: tennessee Status: offline thats a god one brent, my family loved that one because we got a new alarm a few monthes ago and its been nothing but problems. i told them we should try your's _____________________________ 2001 blazer xtreme true bass 8's massive p1500.1 amp 20's wrapped in 245/35r20 (in reply to thegr81) Post #: 32

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/7/2008 9:14:22 PM    EuroGoldLS Posts: 3121 Joined: 2/9/2007 From: Princeton, NC, USA Status: offline Thanks. It was one of those e-mail jokes that come by every once in a while. Here one I got at the turn of the year.... Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008 #10 Life is sexually transmitted. #9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. #8 Men have two emotions:Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. #7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.  #6 Some people are like a Slinky . Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. #5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. #4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather.   It pays no attention to Criticism. #3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00? #2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. And The # 1 Thought For 2008 : We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.  Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of IMMIGRATION and NATIONAL SECURITY! Confucious say: "Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow." _____________________________ My theory is that every disrict in the USA tries to send their lying scumbags to either prison or Washington D.C. -rivereye (in reply to blznlowxtreme) Post #: 33

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/9/2008 9:46:54 AM    EuroGoldLS Posts: 3121 Joined: 2/9/2007 From: Princeton, NC, USA Status: offline Confucius say jokes- • Confucius say, woman who go camping must beware of evil intent • Confucius say, war not determine who right. War determine who left • Confucius say, squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts • Confucius say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants   • Confucius say, man who run before bus get tired • Confucius say, man who run behind bus get exhausted _____________________________ My theory is that every disrict in the USA tries to send their lying scumbags to either prison or Washington D.C. -rivereye (in reply to EuroGoldLS) Post #: 34

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/10/2008 4:37:56 AM    thegr81 Posts: 2621 Joined: 1/16/2007 From: PHOENIX,AZ Status: offline I got a fortune cookie today at panda express and it reads: You will be hungry in 1 hour!! I got to tell you that is the first time one of those cookies told the truth!!! LOL _____________________________ 2001 2wd 4.3 vortec v6 "I'm not fat, I'm a minitrucker" (in reply to EuroGoldLS) Post #: 35

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/10/2008 9:17:25 AM    cliro Posts: 1209 Joined: 10/11/2007 From: Calgary, AB Status: offline haha, ain't that the truth. _____________________________ 2004 GMC Jimmy 4x4, 2dr. metallic cherry red. .net instead of .com (better) (in reply to thegr81) Post #: 36

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/10/2008 8:06:17 PM    BobTheBlazer Posts: 892 Joined: 2/15/2007 From: Crossville, TN Status: offline Confucious say...man who go to bed with itchy ass wake up with smelly fingers! Confucious say...man who sit on top of mountain with mouth open waiting for roast duck to fly in mouth, wait long time! _____________________________ "Bob The Blazer" - Being parted out...WAAAHH! "Shebby" - ''90 Dodge Daytona Shelby, the love of my life! "Superman" - Blue and red ''90 Toyota pickup ''88 Mazda RX-7 - gonna kick ass soon! (in reply to cliro) Post #: 37

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/10/2008 11:58:27 PM    thegr81 Posts: 2621 Joined: 1/16/2007 From: PHOENIX,AZ Status: offline LOL yea that fortune cookie told the truth!! I usually get ones that say" bad cookie no fortune try again" , that one weirded me out a little bit!! _____________________________ 2001 2wd 4.3 vortec v6 "I'm not fat, I'm a minitrucker" (in reply to BobTheBlazer) Post #: 38

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/11/2008 10:47:38 AM    davtak Site Moderator Posts: 1462 Joined: 5/1/2006 Status: offline First off, I apologize to any cops on here   NEVER SAY TO A COP 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK inTexas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"     _____________________________ http://www.cardomain.com/ride/2373050 http://www.myspace.com/davtak (in reply to thegr81) Post #: 39

RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 3/12/2008 6:49:41 PM    EuroGoldLS Posts: 3121 Joined: 2/9/2007 From: Princeton, NC, USA Status: offline Peep show: Thumbnail Image Attachment (1) _____________________________ My theory is that every disrict in the USA tries to send their lying scumbags to either prison or Washington D.C. -rivereye (in reply to davtak) Post #: 40

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