RE: got a good joke to share---post it here!
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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 4/18/2008 2:23:58 PM
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otnietdehoooo
The Chop Shop Moderator
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From: Ft. Worth, TX
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quote:
ORIGINAL: EuroGoldLS
lmao...
I got this one in an e-mail....
Question
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around
the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah,
raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock 40 cal, and you are an expert shot. You have
mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on , could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healt hier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click . . .
(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips
or Hollow Points?'
Son: 'You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'
Wife: 'You are not taking that to the taxidermist.'
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm emailing that to some people right now! 
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Matt - 98 4DR 4WD
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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 4/18/2008 6:29:08 PM
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EuroGoldLS
Posts: 3077
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Princeton, NC, USA
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My aunt sent me that one. I read it out loud during our downtime in class.... Ms. Capps almost passed out. lol
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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 4/19/2008 10:01:39 PM
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EuroGoldLS
Posts: 3077
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Princeton, NC, USA
Status: offline
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A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her
car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a
ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode
off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let
out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding
hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,
yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station
attendant.
'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the
horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I
wouldn't fall off.'
'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.
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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 4/25/2008 11:55:08 AM
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EuroGoldLS
Posts: 3077
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Princeton, NC, USA
Status: offline
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ha... triple post. oh well
A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils
removed. He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have
surgery. On the day he was admitted his mother asked Dr. could you
please circumcise him while he is asleep.
The Dr. agreed. The boy woke up and was very sore down there for
several days.
After about a week he got to see his playmate again. The playmate
informed him that he was also going to have to have his tonsils out
soon. He asked him to tell him about the surgery.
The little boy replied 'all I can tell you is your tonsils ain't
where you think they are.'
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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 4/25/2008 6:53:48 PM
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WolfPack
Posts: 2430
Joined: 10/30/2007
From: Raleigh, NC
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you're just barrels of fun I suppose brent 
Good jokes though! keep em comin
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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 4/25/2008 8:00:40 PM
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EuroGoldLS
Posts: 3077
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Princeton, NC, USA
Status: offline
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I'm tellin you, I get way too many e-mails!
Diggin back through my inbox here....this was from my cousin. Sent June 21st, 2007. lol
Facts of life.
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to a mosque doesn't make you a Muslim any more than going to a
garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
trip.
11. Bills travel faster through the mail than checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never
cease to be amused.
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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 5/2/2008 10:57:53 PM
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EuroGoldLS
Posts: 3077
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Princeton, NC, USA
Status: offline
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I had a good joke come back to me today!
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept throught the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was sleeping, "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The teacher said, "very good" and continued teaching the class. A little later the nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and savior?" But she didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!" " shouted Mary Margaret and the teacher once again said "very good and Mary Margaret fell back to sleep.
The teacher asked her a third question "what did Eve say to Adam after she had her tenth child?" Again, Johnny to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "if you stick me with that damn thing one more time, I'll break it in half!" The teacher fainted
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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 5/9/2008 10:37:01 AM
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EuroGoldLS
Posts: 3077
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Princeton, NC, USA
Status: offline
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One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It
was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just
about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned
home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting
home?", they asked. Several of us went to the library to work on an
extra credit project" said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table
and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went
after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie."
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments." answered
Tommy.
The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I
am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I'm ashamed of you Son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied
to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a
roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. "Boy, did you
ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all,
He is your son!" The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and
slapped her three times.
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RE: got a good joke to share---post it here! - 5/17/2008 7:13:52 PM
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davtak
Site Moderator
Posts: 1458
Joined: 5/1/2006
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Brent hogging the spotlight here lmao! Here's one I got in an email today.
CATHOLIC SHAMPOO
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.
"The curlers are on me."
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http://www.myspace.com/davtak
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Bears and hikers - 5/23/2008 6:25:10 PM
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vadatara2
Posts: 29
Joined: 4/28/2008
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The dept of parks and rec. has made an annoumcement that hikers in the parks and wooded areas should be aware that bears are becomming tamer and less afraid of humans, thus more attacks. Ir is therefore recommended that if you are hiking it would be a good idea to place a small bell on your beltloop to warn bears you are in their area. Also one should carry a can of pepper spray just in case you are attacked. It is also a good idea to be aware of what types of bears might be around. A good way to determine that is by the piles of stool. A black bears stool is about the size of a walnut, it might have berries and small twigs mixed in with it. The grizzly bears stool is quite a bit larger, might have berries and twigs mixed in but consists mostly of little bells that have a faint smell of pepper
Beware!
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RE: Bears and hikers - 5/27/2008 9:25:17 PM
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[[B3k@h]]
Posts: 155
Joined: 11/30/2007
From: Tennessee
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Yesterday, scientists suggested that, considering the results of a
recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men
should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
phytoeostrogens) and drinking it makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 50 men were fed 6 cans of beer each within a one
hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the men:
talked excessively without making sense;
became overly emotional;
couldn't drive;
failed to think rationally;
argued over nothing;
had to sit down while urinating;
and refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
No further testing was considered necessary.
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RE: got a good joke to share-post it here! - 7/11/2008 11:41:21 AM
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maki3242@gmail.com
Posts: 48
Joined: 4/18/2008
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How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw
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RE: got a good joke to share-post it here! - 7/11/2008 1:50:56 PM
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redneck2725
Posts: 93
Joined: 6/17/2008
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A redneck and a Frenchman were caught in Kentucky for making and selling bad moonshine. The law decided to hang them off the middle of the Ohio Bridge. They tied the rope around the Frenchman''s neck and said, "Do you have any last words?" He said, "No." They threw him off the bridge, but the rope was too long. He removed the rope from his neck and swam to the Ohio side of the river. Then they tied the same rope around the redneck''s neck and said, "Do you have any last words to say?" He said, "Yes, shorten up that rope boys ''cause I can''t swim."
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